Sunday, 10 November 2019

Over One Year On

It’s been a while since I spoke about motherhood — nearly seven months, which is a little embarrassing. But, as all parents know, time flies by when you've had kids, ah screw that, time flies for everyone.

One thing I will say about my life flashing before my eyes there has been a direct correlation with my lack of motherhood blog posts, and going back to work - one day shy of full time. Finding the time to sit down and write, doesn't come as easy as it used to, but hopefully, I will get back my blogging hat on a little more.

In June, I stepped back into the office for a few more days a week, and suddenly my life became full. The weeks flew by. The months flashed before my eyes and my time with Albee became more precious than ever before.

Albee is now 14 months old, nearly 15 months. He is walking, he can communicate with me. His vocabulary blows my mind! I never knew a child of his age could communicate in the way he does. Our bond is deep; I feel a real connection with him; he’s like my little buddy.

Each stage he goes through is lovely, and as much as I miss the newborn cuddles, and his ability to fall asleep anywhere. My walking, talking, pasta gobbling toddler that loves to play peek-a-boo has made motherhood fun for me, in ways I never knew possible!

Already, I have digressed. This blog entry wasn’t meant to be about how awesome Albee is, although I could write pages and pages on this subject. What I wanted to talk about was how I have felt going back to work, after having Albee.

It’s is getting close to my year anniversary of going back to work as a mother. Starting with just one day a week at three months, which may seem a little soon to some, but when you’re self-employed and also love your job, you have to make it work.

I struggled. I missed Albee, but I was also thrilled to be back at work. I loved being involved in decision making, planning collaborations, and writing about surfing again.

There were moments after having Albee that I felt like I’d lost my identity. My body had changed. My hormones were all over the place, and I questioned who I was and wanted to be.

Going back to work helped me reconnect with who I was before, and I feel fortunate to be able to say that. Not everyone gets that chance or loves their job. That one day at work a week helped me find me again. It also made me more present as a parent.

Then at ten months on, I was back in the office three days a week, with one day or working from home. Now, this was a lot harder because we had to decide to find childcare for Albee.

Our childcare is fantastic, but I still cried the first day I left him and had to go to work. I know I am not the only mother that goes through this, but it doesn’t make it any easier.

Albee is thriving in childcare, and our time together is filled with adventure, playtime and visiting family. I am excited for our days off together like I used to feel about weekends.

As much as it may sound like I have been smashing the work mum balance, it’s not without that horrible plague that I call “Mum Guilt!” I hate it. I have had no "mum guilt" from anyone in my life; the only person that makes me feel guilty is myself. Who knows why I do, because it’s flipping stupid. All I am trying to do is provide for my child.

It’s because of this terrible feeling that I wanted to write this blog post. Being a mother is hard enough, especially when you through trying to maintain a career into the mix. Whether you’re a stay at home, mum, working mum, juggling the two mum. Whoever you are and whatever you’re doing don’t be hard on yourself. You are doing your best and whatever you feel is right for your child. There is no right or wrong way to do this; we are all just winging it.

No one prepares us for the changes that we are set to face. Changes to our bodies, emotions, careers, relationships with our partners it's such a hard transition to go through. So, remember, never judge a mother by her perfectly styled hair and super on-trend outfit, because she is going through nearly all if not all the same emotional marathon that you're on.

Bringing up children is hard, it’s life-changing and a lot to deal with, so go easy on yourself. Take it all in your stride and trust in yourself; you are smashing it!


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